“Things I am bad at” Excerpt from 3-7-2012-3:52AM

1)    Crying. I hate it. It accomplishes nothing and makes you look awful.

2)    Saying no in sexual scenarios, I just aim to please.

3)    Understanding why anyone puts mayo on anything, it’s really rather disgusting, so  cease and desist.

4)    Being honest with people when I know that I am going to hurt them, I like seeing people happy.

5)    Making friends and not sleeping with them.

6)    Keeping my room clean.

7)    Committing to finishing a book… If the first 20 pages aren’t exciting I’m out.

8)    Reminding people that I have feelings, and that just because I don’t leave them out on the surface it doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

Okay, lists are where people start, right? Little tiny changes will be good for me. Commitment, I hope I can be capable of you in some manner or another. 

Sometimes when I can’t fall asleep at night—after a couple of hours of lackadaisically staring at my computer screen, watching something useless on Netflix just to lull myself into a half-hearted rest—I start to make lists. 

Little scribbles in awful entirely uppercase handwriting usually entirely about myself, sometimes about some particularly interesting encounters I’ve had with other humans over the years. 

It’s almost as if I am trying to obsessively compile some basic facts about myself for the day when I’m old and have some sort of Alzheimer’s induced by exposure to Bluetooth-Wifi-Lithium-Ion Combination Radiation from sleeping with a running computer inches away from my face for years. 

Obviously, I never want to get old. I’d much rather prefer dying young and in a way that makes people really uncomfortable at my funeral.

But if I somehow manage to ebb towards the end of life and lose my marbles along the way, at least I can look back at some scraps of truths and make every morning a sentimental mystery adventure to piece together a portrait of a formal self, only to have it delicately plucked away overnight. Everyday would be a game! I love games! Anyways, I thought I’d share some good ones periodically in case anyone was interested but mostly because once it goes on the inter-webs it never goes away. Immortality at the click of a button and these are the things we choose to share: the future is here and it’s selfish and unapologetic.

Aerial Shots of the Park 3/18

The spring is probably my favorite time of year. Everyone shakes off their layers of indoor winter dust and puts on some sort of pastel skin exposing nonsense shirt and ventures outdoors just for the sake of being outdoors. Moods are instantly elevated in the sunshine and people begin to act a little more human—like smiling and nodding where virtually impossible in the dead of winter. I love the spring but I hate the influx of baby strollers, oh the horror of city sidewalks filled with power moms and their little poop machines! I mean, I’m cool with kids just not other people’s kids. I can’t wait to have a little version of me to play with, how crazy is that someday I will create a tiny creature and teach it the ways of the world.

I hope it’s a hot baby; otherwise I don’t know how nice to it I will be able to be to it.

But seriously, now that everyone is lounging out on the grass in Central Park mating season has begun. Hormones or pheromones or whatever it is that controls our crazy actions are wafting around like a haze of Halal street vendor stench that just lingers on your jacket after you walk through a patch of it.

I went on the best walk today, took some pictures while doing so, but just really got my walk on. Strolling more than anything, people watching as a recreational sport. I love just creating life stories for the random people I see—inserting things that those sad souls may never come to experience and snickering to think that they actually might have. You should spend an afternoon in my head; my poor kid will be in for a treat someday.

I have been going on lots of walks lately, trying to meet new people, it’s still pretty weird in my house… I am just tired of thinking about it. I want to move on already. I don’t know what everyone wants from me. So, I just keep on walking.